We’ve made it to December. Better, for the journey that The Cake Table has taken us through the past eleven conversations. And we’re signing off with a hard, but necessary one. After all. This is the season of reflection and reset. Which requires honesty, and transparency, if we’re to truly benefit from the process.

When you look at the World (upper case for emphasis), it’s clear that things are off balance. The World is rapidly becoming crazier. Wars, violence, crime, corruption, and plain wickedness. We see it every other day. Economic conditions are on a downward trend. High interest rates, high inflation, increased barriers to trade, increased unemployment, etc. And, in a frightening way, human consciences are shifting. What was once unacceptable has become common place. Lines have become blurred. Truth is lost. We have to watch what we say, because what can be said, and tolerated by the masses, is gaining greater force than truth. Children are becoming adults; exposed to things they shouldn’t be from an early age. And one wonders. What will the next 10 years look like? Can the World – or man – take much more of the madness?

It’s been said. And believe it to be true. That there’s only so much a man can take in the flesh. The flesh wasn’t designed to bear certain hardships, sufferings, and pains. So, the more we continue to inflict ourselves with the madness, the closer man gets to blowing up. Destroying everything in his path. And I believe this is where the World is headed if some of us don’t wake up.

Man is the master of his destiny. He has the ability to soar irrespective of the circumstances he may face. And if your life appears to be out of order, I believe the question you should be asking is: what have I missed? Which starts with being self-aware. Because you must firstly understand yourself at the core. Which many don’t.

Let me explain.

In a World that has so much to offer; wealth, material possessions, fame, influence, etc. It’s not surprising that men tend to focus more on the things without, than the person within. That in the pursuit of these physical things, inadequate attention is given to the person within. To character, beliefs, and values. The World celebrates success and responds to increase and promotion that’s visible to the physical eye. And all too often, the inner man is ignored. Yet the unseen world where this inner person functions is the driver of the lives of men. The inner man is the one shaping everything you see on the outside. Causing the World, or at least the man’s world, to move in a particular direction. But just look around; and you’ll find numerous examples of men who aren’t self-aware to the detriment of many things. Where a man bears a skewed sense and perspective of self. And he can’t be told otherwise. He’s stuck on his ways, and offended by anyone who would dare challenge him. Men have the money, houses, cars, jobs, success stories, and all the good stuff that come with these things. But they’re funny. And I believe a lack of self-awareness is one of the reasons for this. Because the man that is self-aware will know when to stop; which lines not to cross; what not to say; where not to go; how to conduct himself; and so on. Fully appreciating the boundaries within which he’s able to exercise the liberties available to him.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, to be self-aware means “having conscious knowledge of one’s own character and feelings”.  That is, at any given point in time, being aware who you are – the kind of person you are; how you behave; how you respond to things; and the values that define you. How you feel, and why you feel a particular way. But it doesn’t end with the knowing. This should activate an awareness that guides appropriate behaviours. Such as, how to talk to people, how to treat people, appreciating the impact of your actions on others, understanding how you’re perceived by others, identifying the growth areas in your life, and so on.

Let’s consider a few scenarios. But without generalising. Because it’s possible that in certain instances the narrative may be justifiable.

There’s that colleague who’s arrogant, offensive, imposing of himself, and brash. And simply a hard person to deal with or relate to. Yet he’s completely oblivious to the fact that he’s only tolerated because of his position. And is making many miserable under his leadership.

We have the pity party kind. Who blame the World for their problems. Finding no fault in themselves. Convinced that circumstances have caused their lives to be the way they are. That the people around them are to blame for their failures.

There’s the Pastor who believes he’s called to minister. Yet he only came to Christ yesterday; is overzealous, and not matured in the things of God. And is causing many to stumble because he ministers questions and confusion.

And the believer who stretches truth to fit into personal convictions. A dangerous group who’ve adopted their own version of the Bible. And preach the thoughts, opinions, and perceptions of man in the name of truth. Certain that they’re led by God.

We have that spouse who finds all manner of faults in the other. Believing that he or she is the perfect one who can do no wrong. And is unwilling to entertain any thoughts otherwise. Unapologetically putting all of the ills of the marriage on the other.

Then there are those children with the wrong attitude. Who don’t want to work. They’re self-entitled. Convinced that the World was made to serve them. And are unwilling to apply themselves in any manner where any form of commitment or diligence is required. Neither do they respect their elders or any kind of authority.

We have that friend who appears to be loving and supportive. But who’s actually in a secret battle with you; only walking alongside you with the sole objective of outdoing you. Patiently waiting for your demise. Perhaps even willing to set it up. And is ready to pounce to your destruction the moment opportunity arises.

We also have the removed and unavailable parents. Whose children are raised by the nanny, driver, au pair, cook, cleaner – you name it. They’re able to pay for anything the children need. But aren’t willing to be present when the children need them.  

And the man who claims to be a person of faith only because he or she wants a spouse, job, or promotion. Whose heart is not truly after God. And is willing to transact with spiritual things for self-serving purposes. Leaving everyone confused because he doesn’t behave like the righteousness he seems to portray.

What of the man who esteems himself more highly than he should. Professing to know the keys to success, wealth, and prosperity. Even selling his services and running courses aimed at teaching others how to walk in such abundance. Yet he’s broke and failing in every single one of his personal endeavours.

Then we have the self-appointed ‘policemen’. Those who judge everything and everyone. And have something to say about every single thing. Calling out corruption, sin, bad behaviour, etc. Intent on exposing the failures and disgraces of others. Yet never pointing any fingers to themselves.

And those businessmen who are caught up in compromise and corruption. Prepared to say what has not been said, permit what is not authorised, and do whatever it takes, to gain whatever they desire. To bend the rules, cross lines, lie, cheat, and buy favours. They’re outwardly successful. But a shame is hidden in their glories.

And lastly, what about the harsh and unkind words many of us speak oftentimes. How we talk to those who work for us. How we talk to our family members. How we respond to beggars on the street. Our posture when an undesirable fellow takes the seat next to us in a public space. How we look down on those who have less than we do. How we relate with those of a different race. The extent to which some are prepared to people please just to be accepted. And how we often say what we feel even when it’s abusive or hurtful to the next person.

I could go on and on …

We live in a world where all these people I just described are crossing paths every day. Interacting with one another. Hanging out. Gathering around tables, discussing families, jobs, homes, holidays, work, etc. Each presenting him or herself in the most formidable manner. Yet, no one taking the time to judge themselves in truth. Because if they did, they would realise that something’s off. You must understand that these behaviours all stem from personal insecurities. And such insecurities are birthed when you don’t know who you are, and attempt to find yourself in the outward or physical things. Not taking the time to deal with the hidden inner man.

This conversation frightens me to the core. I never want to be so removed from myself. I must know myself in truth, and do whatever it takes to fix what’s broken. But, neither is this conversation intended to put judgement or cast light on anyone. Because we’re all a mess. We each have things to sort out. No one better than the other.

My point is this. Without taking the time to judge yourself, and become more self-aware, you may apply yourself in a manner that’ll bring destruction and hurt to those around you, and ultimately shame and dishonour to you. By engaging in matters higher than your level. Speaking, where you shouldn’t. Performing, where you aren’t qualified. Judging, where you don’t have the authority. Demonstrating, where you’re not matured. Standing, when you should be seated. Ruling, when you should be serving. Turning left when you should’ve gone right. Being indifferent or ignorant to your own detriment. And perhaps, you just need to be kinder, less judgemental, more understanding, more patient, slower to talk, and slower to act.

It’s no wonder the World’s a mess. When there are this many messy people walking the streets. God help us!

We at Tsim & Bibi strive to remain self-aware; conscious of the direction we’re moving as a brand, and our commitment to those that support our vision. This requires that we be true to ourselves at all times; whilst being mindful of the impact we have on our employees, customers, other important stakeholders, and the industry at large.

And with that, I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, safe cross-over into 2024, and blessed, prosperous, and fruitful season ahead. May 2024 be your year of self-awareness.

Yours in baking,

Chi