I started a conversation last month, titled ‘Balance’. And it’s impressed upon me to finish that thought line in this month’s blog. The discussion ended with a parting thought. That balance and priorities are not one and the same thing. I think we’re all agreed on that, right. Yet, the completion of being balanced can really only be fully understood in the context of one’s priorities. That is, in the art of establishing priorities without causing an imbalance in the person. And this is what we’ll focus on this month.

Circling back to one of my favourite books, the Oxford Dictionary, priorities are defined as things that “are regarded or treated as more important than others”. Now, this differs from favourites, which are defined as “preferred to all others of the same kind”. And it’s important to draw this distinction from the onset. Priorities emerge when one is faced with a number of differing and/or competing factors or elements, amongst which preferential choices are required. Choosing between family, work, exercise, solitude, and entertainment, to name a few. While favourites refer to things that are preferred amongst a range of many of the same kind. For instance, a favourite cake; Marvel movie; football team, and so on. We’re talking about priorities here. And if you recall last month’s blog, the idea being that balance occurs when the differing and/or competing factors and elements are appropriately weighted against each other such that the person stands whole and upright in the face of managing them all. So this month, we’re introducing the element of prioritisations amongst these balancing items. Understanding that establishing a list of priorities immediately takes one out of the realm of balance, and introduces another dimension. That of remaining balanced whilst appropriately managing one’s priorities. I hope you’re still with me.

Let’s unpack this. A lack of separation of these distinct thoughts oftentimes leads to a confusion. What do I mean? Priorities are usually wrongly measured relative to the time invested by the person; it being said that the areas where the person spends the most time are the person’s priorities. Then, the person’s behaviour is judged against that, and it’s said he or she is imbalanced when they spend more time on matters that are regarded as inferior to what should be pursued as superior ones. Priorities are also wrongly defined in the context of favourites; it being argued that the person prioritises his or her favourites. And while favourites have their place, the two are still not the same and should be understood distinctly.

In last month’s blog, we discussed how balance is often considered relative to the following areas – Emotional; Physical; Spiritual and Intellectual. And how within these respective areas exist many sub-categories. For instance, under Emotional you can find mental, social (community activities and the like), hobbies, and relational (family; friends; colleagues etc). Physical aspects include exercise, health, financial, entertainment, rest, and the like. Spiritual sub-categories include faith, religion, and various forms of meditation. And lastly, work, study, and continuous development are typically found on the Intellectual side of things. So, with such a basket of differing and/or competing elements and factors, it’s important to draw a line clearly defining one’s priorities. Indicating which items carry a greater significance than others, not from the perspective of being favourites, but from the view of being more important. Which, by definition, means “of great significance or value” or “having a high rank or status”. So, it’s about ranking and status. And giving due regard in the circumstances.

How then does this play out? For the man who believes in God, his order of priorities may look something like this: God (spiritual) first; Family (emotional) second; Church (emotional) third; Work and Financial (physical) fourth; Exercise (physical) fifth; Continuous Development (intellectual) sixth; and Friends (emotional) seventh. Everything else following in some sort of order. For the man that doesn’t believe in God, his order of priorities may look something like this: Family (emotional) first; Work (intellectual) second; Financial (physical) third; Exercise (physical) fourth; Friends (emotional) fifth; and Continuous Development (intellectual) sixth. And so on. The order will always depend on the person, based on what he or she values as more important across the basket of differing and/or competing factors and elements. But the key here is that the list of priorities should be easily identifiable, objectively, from the person’s behaviour. Because it’s one thing to list your priorities and speak of them with great confidence. But completely another to live those priorities and establish a pattern in your life that communicates who you are at the core when it comes to those matters without having to say anything. Because all too often, we speak too much and act too little. Professing lives we don’t actually live or observe. And many things are breaking because they’ve not been given the attention they require. Marriages, children, careers, health, mental wellbeing, and so forth. And many are off centre.

When things aren’t working in one or more areas, it’s a clear indication that the person isn’t balanced. Because the proof of balance is that everything’s working. That you’re able to keep it all together, despite the stretching, tugging, and pulling between the various factors and elements. And this, friends, is where priorities become most relevant. Because imbalances usually creep when priorities are neglected (although this isn’t the only reason). But, there’s just a way the inadequate management of priorities tends to mess everything up! You’ve heard the saying: “Happy wife, happy life”!

If you identify certain things as more important or valuable to you than others, then it should be clear just by judging your behaviour that these are your priorities. You may have to work 15-hour days for a continuous period of 2 months because of the requirements of the job in that particular season. But if you say family is your priority, if they’re left wanting and feeling inferior in importance to your job, then there’s something you’re not doing to affirm their value irrespective of your work obligations. Because priorities are not only defined by how much time is allocated to that thing. While this is telling, other factors should be assessed before conclusively judging the matter. From how you relate with your family; how you allocate the available time to them; how you behave when your work demands lessen; the reassurance that you continually provide your family with during these seasons; and so on. If you say family comes first, arguably even those around you should know this. Simply by your consistency in communicating and reflecting the same in all your dealings, whether or not your family is present.

If you say God comes first in your life, then the same applies. Either you look and sound like God actually comes first, or you don’t. Perhaps you speak it and are good at acting it, but if He’s not your priority, your behaviour will tell that story. And the relationship and results (or lack thereof) of a person in fellowship with God will be evident upon your life. If you honour your marriage with the commitment you speak, then the same will be obvious to the world in which you function. Whether or not your spouse is present. And the same should be clear to your spouse too.

I could go on. My point is this. All too often, we’re full of excuses around what has not been treated with the value or importance it deserves. Not because of the differing and/or competing factors and elements in our baskets (which are many). But simply because we’ve not made the deliberate choice to identify and live out priorities within these baskets. “The job demands it”. “We need the money”. “I work hard and need the time to myself”. “My friends need me”. “My mom is my best friend”. “I love God”. And so on. Spilling excuse after excuse because we’re not fulfilling our responsibilities in one or more areas as we should. But here’s the thing. We’re without excuse. It’s actually possible to do it all successfully. And while doing it all, to manage priorities appropriately. Thereby ensuring that balance is maintained. Because without due attention given to one’s priorities, some things will break and won’t work as they should, causing the person to become imbalanced in certain respects.

I wonder. Is the reason things aren’t working in your life simply because you’ve neglected your priorities? Are you deliberate in living a balanced life? If you’re the one who’s always giving excuses and hiding behind everyone and everything without looking to the man in the mirror, then this blog is for you. It’s time to quit running and face yourself. Maturity comes with responsibility. And responsibility comes with diligent and prudent commitment and application of the things that count the most. If you manage yourself as you should, everything around you will work as it should. You’re the moving target. So, if some things are broken, just fix yourself.

I do many things. I’m a Mother, Daughter, Sibling and Friend. An Attorney, Baker and Author. I head up the Legal & Secretarial Department of an investment holding company. I serve on many Boards. I’m a Blogger. I run my own business. And I’m Christian. And I intend to do even more going forward. While I don’t profess to be perfect or intend to use myself as the example of success, my point is this. I deliberately find time for it all. And apply my mind to it every day. And on honest observation, I’m pretty successful and growing every day. Have I mastered it? Not yet. But mastery is a journey taken one day at a time. I know what my priorities are, and am deliberate about attending to them as I should. But more importantly, those around me are also clear what my priorities are. Moreover, I continuously examine myself to judge whether things are truly under control in every area of my life. Because let’s face it, many live feigned realities of themselves. Believing that they have everything under control. Yet by just one look at them, it’s clear this isn’t the case.

Ultimately, I believe this is all life demands from us. That we do our best with a deliberate focus, intent, and commitment. And live lives that are without excuse no matter the circumstances. After all, we’re not victims. But managers of our own destinies. And where we end up will be directly translated from the individual journeys taken and decisions made along the way. There are no coincidences. Neither are there any mistakes. Just a little too much of the blame game for our own deficiencies.

Yours in baking,

Chi